Exercise, Day 2

I think the title of this post should actually be, "Exercise Sucks!!!!!!!" Yes, it has been 5 days since exercise day 1, but that has absolutely nothing to do with it.

These two devilish devices are why I have decided that exercise sucks.  I shall call this one Satan's Minion #1,

and this innocent-looking exercise ball shall be Satan's Minion #2.

Truly, they tried to drag me into the depths of hell this morning.

I decided to use every piece of equipment in the room, even if I didn't know what it was.  It's the effort that counts, right?

My first brush with death was with Satan's Minion #2.  You see, I wasn't quite sure what I was supposed to do with the damned thing in the first place.  Finally, I looked at some pictures on the wall where these skinny bitches ladies were doing sit-ups on the ball Minion #2.  It looked easy enough.  I tried it. It was comfortable enough to sit on, so I scooted myself forward to attempt a crunch.  I ended up just kind of laying on it.  I'm not typically a complete idiot so I knew I was accomplishing nothing.  My only problem was that I couldn't figure out how to get off of it gracefully.  So I just kind of laid there.  And laid there.  Then I started giggling.  And giggling.  And I could hear my sister (who I conned into exercising with me) giggling from across the room.

And then it happened------- something moved.  I'm not saying it was me, and I'm not saying it was Minion #2, but it moved.  My gracefulness went out of the window.  I crashed.  And it wasn't pretty.  I looked like a beached whale.  I hit my leg on one of the machines and am already getting a bruise the size of Rhode Island on my thigh.  One of those stupid step aerobic benches fell over across my head and chest, and I knocked the Minion #2 poster of exercises halfway off of the wall.  My sister, always concerned for her baby sister's welfare, was laughing hysterically at that point.  Let's just say that I will NEVER attempt to exercise on #2 again!

Then came my brush with death on the treadmill Satan's Minion #1.  I figured out how to work the machine during Exercise, Day 1, so I thought I was pretty impressive.  I even figured out that the little plastic thingie over the speed buttons was a magazine holder.  How cool is that?  So I did was any other self-respecting middle aged woman would do.......  I hollered for my sister to throw me the People magazine with Pippa Middleton on the cover.  The only problem was that I couldn't quite reach the magazine, so I attempted to take my feet (well, technically just one foot) off while it was still going.  That didn't work out so well for me.  I didn't quite look like the guy in the top picture, but I was close.  I can say with 100% certainty that, yes, I CAN still do the splits!  ;-)

And that's the story of why I hated Exercise, Day 2.

And Wendy Cushing, I added a link to your blog on the "self-respecting middle-aged woman" line because I knew you'd tell me I stole your line.  ;-)